Boots pt. 2

I finally got the chance to work on my project boots again last week. My Huberd's came in the mail and I was very gung ho to get started on the boots. While I was at it I also cleaned and conditioned some Doc's and my newer boots. I did the new boots with Huberd's to try and soften them up so I can keep breaking them in. They are very stiff. I think I'm going to need to strip them down, condition them, then polish. I haven't cracked my one tin of polish yet. It's Lincoln, the one that came from the kit I got at the OVR auction.

My project boots were still so filthy that I just gave up and went over every inch of them with a soft tooth brush. After two regular cleanings with saddle soap and a bigger brush there was still mud coming off them. I think I finally got down to bare leather after the toothbrush. But they were very grey and definitely in need of conditioner after all that. I put a nice coating of Huberd's on them and they are starting to look like real boots again.

At this point they've sat for a week while I waited for more supplies. I ordered some Chelsea leather food in both clear and black. I'm going to use the black on the project boots to try and supplement the color. I don't think they're so far gone that I'll need to dye them, thankfully. I figure after I let the Chelsea sit for a few days I may do another coat or move on to experimenting with polish at that point. There are some cracks and gouges. I don't want to get into leather dust and that sort of thing. I want the character of the boots to show through still. I may still try a little bit of filling in with polish so they don't look as banged up.

I'll post the next round of pictures at some point, too (on Fet). It's amazing how different they look even now with just getting them truly clean and soaking in some good conditioner.

Boots

Originally posted 9/1/2010 to Fetlife

I took them out on the back porch this afternoon and sat in the shade. I've been cranky and volatile for a few days and just needed to sit and actually work for awhile.

I started working at the dirt that's collected in all the crevices. The leather is soft under my fingers, dry but not crumbling. There's life in these boots yet. I like the smell of the soap in its tin. The rags are coming away grey. It's going to take a few more sessions of this before I get them where I want them. But for now I'm content to work at the details, assess the damage and reassure myself that I can do this.

I don't want the leather to get too wet so I stopped after a thorough scrubbing today. I'll give them a day or two to fully dry and then hit them again. Then plenty of Huberd's and we'll see where we stand with the scrapes, gouges and wear. There's a place where the sole is coming away also, that will need some repair.

It feels good to work on a tangible project. It feels very grounding to work on a pair of boots I know I'll be wearing for years to come. I'm proud to carry their history forward as I add my own.

Fear is not my friend

Two weeks ago I went to an amazing kink conference, Floating World. I met many many cool people, volunteered, slept very little and absorbed as much knowledge as possible. I played hard, wept out some shadows and bore my marks with pride for over a week.

Sunday night in the midst of sleep deprivation, over stimulation, titillation and intense attraction a very wise woman asked me "Is fear your friend, Megan?". I chuckled just a little given the conversation about willingness to take a risk and improve my life that had gone before.

"No, fear is not my friend" I replied, having a little moment of clarity, adding "though it is an excellent playmate." after a moment because I really can't resist an opportunity for cheekiness.

I've pondered those words extensively these past two weeks. I've had a lot of time for contemplation. I am off work again. High pressure investment advisor-sales job is not compatible with my personal flavor of mental health. That has been made abundantly clear. I am nearly certain that a return to that position is not possible. So that leaves me with the question, What now?

I've been asking that question for a while now, really. I know that I want to be doing a job that makes a difference in society. I want to give back to the communities that have given me the ability to become the woman I am today. I strongly believe that it is only a matter of time before Ohio becomes an equality battleground on a national level the way places like California are now. I want to be a skilled and equipped to not only join that fight but help lead it.

Cincinnati is my home. If I leave here and seek out a community where I can learn and grow, what happens to the next fat, queer femme-girl who comes out and stands alone? That said, how can I stand strong and lead if I don't have the knowledge and skills to do so? I want to be more than just the leader of another pansexual kink group. We have those here. Those people are doing a great job. I want to learn how to run a non-profit. I want to learn how to organize a campaign, a special event, become a catalyst for the changes I want to see in the world.

I've made a decision. I am going to leave Cincinnati to learn, to grow, to change. I've discussed it thoroughly with a few experts in the field and I see a combined MSW/MBA grad program as the route to the expertise I want to garner. Likely this will involve a year or so of work in a non-profit beforehand.

I feel strong. I am finally responding to where I feel called to action. This is a huge step for me, the past few years have been rife with uncertainty. This feelsright